Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

In what ways Indian parents are destroying their children's life?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

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Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I understand how hurricane paths work

I’m 17 and looking for a girl. What do I do?

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

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I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Do you think your landlord should have a key to your room?

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t cotton to rapists

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I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

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I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

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It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

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I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I have a reading level above third grade

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I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I see through liars

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

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I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I actually pay taxes

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t buy bullshit

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I can read

I can count

I have complete contempt for fakery

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t